"You say I'm cute, you don't know how much that hurts. You don't know what it's like to live in your own dirt, like a monkey in a zoo." -Daniel Johnston

I love animals. They're like people, but better. No psychotherapy, no reality TV, very little alcoholism except when some cruel animal trainer thinks it's funny to see some poor hapless creature stumble around all wasted and gets them hooked on the stuff. To be fair though, what's a monkey smoking a cigarette if it doesn't have a gin and tonic too? Kuta has a fair share of wildlife and I came into contact with a lot of it today.

I've mentioned the grungy dogs. I saw a woman on the beach giving one medicine, so they are either owned or people have a sense of responsibility for them. Here's one pissing.





The cats, however, are like rats. Which bumps the rats down to like cockroaches or something. Haven't seen any cockroaches yet, but I assume I'd bump 'em down if I saw any. Anyhow, the cats are feral and very skinny. The rats are scruffy and live in holes in the sidewalks. Pretty adorable.




(Rats live here)

At night there are frogs that hop around and do cool tricks like eating bugs and dying.




(Go man, go!)

Today, I took an hour long 5am walk through Kuta and Legian, then a five hour afternoon walk on the beach. (I think I understand, Pops, but I don't pretend to understand Pops). There were these crabs...not the itchy kind, little sand crabs that bite your foot and take a ride while you walk. They eat muck (technical term, try to follow) off the beach and make these tiny balls of sand when they're done. Industrious little creatures, the beach is covered with these.





Also, I guess it's spawning season. Took my breath away. Mounds of these tiny crabs were clustered along any flow of water that went from land to sea. The photos tell it better than I can.




(Smaller than my pinky nail)

Prepare for the long view....




(I tried to count them, but couldn't keep track)

On my way home, I met a dude with a preforming monkey. It was chained and in people-clothes. Very depressing and also just a tiny bit adorable. (Sorta wanted to chain the dude up and make him an alcoholic). I took some photos of him on dude's shoulders and then the guy just kinda throws his monkey at me. So I'm sitting with this monkey and he reaches over and grabs my hand with one of his. Then with his other little monkey hand he starts pulling dead skin off my cuticles. What a mensch.





This monkey could do backflips, box with his buddy, drive a little wooden motorcycle, put on his helmet, and then when the guy went, "Oh no! Crash!" the monkey bails out and plays dead. I hate how much fun it was. Terrible to domesticate such brilliant creatures, ghastly, just awful and OH MY GOD I WANT ONE! My finger skin would be immaculate and the ladies love a dude with clean finger skin. Right?




(Imagine this, but without the farmers tan and with clean fingers)

The last animal I'd like to discuss is this goddamn rooster that lives next door. I hate him. Could someone let this cock know that 3am is not dawn? Thought the darkness would be a dead giveaway, but no. According to this guy, dawn starts promptly at three and goes until six. I do not have a photo of this cock, but if I find him he's going to be sorry he ever crossed me.

Instead, here's the monkey trying to steal my camera.




(I love him)

Buh-bye!

Location:Kuta Beach, Bali